Have you prepared an epic soundtrack for your funeral?
50 per cent of all Swedes have not considered what music they want at their funeral. That means relatives with no taste in music will choose for them. That's why I'm part of the other 50 per cent.
A friend recently sent me a link to a Swedish newspaper article claiming that only 50 per cent of people have considered what music they want to be played at their funeral. My reaction was: "ONLY 50 per cent? How can you NOT think about your funeral music?!”
This led me down an internet rabbit hole about what is played at funerals around the world. While some cultures prefer to send off their loved ones to music, others do not. For instance, many Muslims and Jews believe that music distracts from mourning and prefer to save music for other, more joyful occasions. The Catholic tradition doesn’t opt out of music but prefers hymns. There is, of course, no right or wrong here. Whatever floats your boat. Which, coincidentally, supposedly is how some of my Viking ancestors liked to be buried - floating off on a boat.
As for my culture today - i.e. Western, culturally Protestant, but very secular - we have a fairly relaxed approach to music at funerals. As long as the song meant something to the deceased almost anything goes. There are, however, a few songs that seem more popular than others. Here are a few of them:
“My Way” with Frank Sinatra. (I suspect more people opt for this song at their funeral than the number of people who actually go through life in their way.)
“My Heart Will Go On” with Celine Dion. (I boldly guess that the heart referred to does not belong to the deceased, as that particular heart did, in fact, not go on - or on and on and on, like the song.)
“Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” with Eric Idle and Monty Python. (It's for the humorously inclined, I guess.)
“Stairway to Heaven” with Led Zeppelin and “Highway to Hell” with AC/DC are also popular options. (This leads us to the age-old meme observation about the very different traffic situations depending on where you’re heading.)
I'm just as unprepared for death as anyone else, but when it comes to the music part, I'm like an overly enthusiastic scout: Always prepared! I think about my departure music almost as often as I think about ancient Egypt, which is daily. I know I’m a bit morbid because the search phrase "mummification documentary" is frequently at the top of my YouTube searches, but still. There's no way I'm leaving this world without an epic soundtrack.
Hopefully, I'm not checking out any time soon. Right now, my funeral playlist is about five hours long. That's at least four and a half hours too long. Not even Queen Elizabeth II had that much going on musically at her three (!) separate services - state, committal, and internment. If people have to sit through it as it is, I won’t be the only member of the local rigor mortis club for long. The playlist needs to be trimmed down. Which I do now and then - only to add to it again a day or so later. It's a selfish labour of love, but I imagine it will also give those left behind one less thing to worry about.
True preparation must always leave a margin for error. Even the best laid plans can be thwarted - usually by an unruly relative. My greatest fear is that someone decides to hire a local "talent" to butcher (yes, I say “butcher”, you may say “cover”, but that’s your problem) my carefully chosen songs instead of playing the original versions. Oh, the horror! No, no, no. If that happens, I hereby vow to haunt the guilty party to the end of days. If having a local "talent" butcher my favourite songs is the only musical option, I'd rather enter eternity in silence, just like Hamlet.
Am I being too dramatic? I think not. To show you just how bad it can get when someone ruins a perfectly good song, I present the Swedish showband singer Christer Sjögren's cover of Lady Gaga's “Bad Romance”. Choose wisely before you click on that link. Some things can’t be unseen or - indeed - unheard. I’m pretty confident Mr Kurtz had just clicked on that very link on his deathbed when he exclaimed his final words: "The Horror! The Horror!"
What’s on my funeral playlist? Oh no, I’m not revealing that now. First, I need to kick the bucket. Second, you need to show up at the funeral. I’m not giving away a perfectly good playlist to no-shows. Also, years ago, a good friend said she wanted Bach's “Air on a G String” played at her funeral. I still can't listen to it without a sudden, painful melancholy overtaking me. I don’t want that for you, so you must be patient. But don't worry about missing out. I’m turning fifty in a few days, so I practically have one foot in the grave already.
That said, relax. Don’t sweat your funeral playlist as much as I do. I know it’s crazy. We’ll all be dead when our funerals come along, and being dead is arguably a much bigger problem than not having our musical ducks in a row for the big exit.
At a funeral I once attended, for a writer colleague who dropped dead at 39 having made no plans for his exit, a clueless minister read aloud the unabridged lyrics for “Tears in Heaven.” The deceased took language seriously. If heaven exists, he was screaming.
Ha! I instantly was like 'what would mine be??' but actually, I already know. Piano Trio No 2 in E-flat Major by Schubert. I originally wanted it to be played at my PhD defense. I had just gotten into classical music a bit and I like the piece, but (to me, at least) it becomes increasingly comically and annoyingly repetitive towards the end. The first times I listened to it, I kept thinking 2, 3, 4 times in a row that 'surely this will be the final note'. But no! Never! (It's 9.27 minutes long by the way). I thought it'd be a funny representative to how I felt about my PhD project towards the end. However, I learned that the audio crew cuts off the music after a certain point, so the audience would probably never have to endure the frustrating part. So I went for another song. But I'm definitely not above having my loved ones suffer this fate at my funeral instead.